So before and after yesterday's post I got feedback from people who care about me. Feedback I truly needed. The person I love is always honest with me and it is not always comfortable, but I wouldn't have it any other way. It is what I truly love about him. I got a sponsor finally and my friend Mary sent me a comment on the post. I am so grateful for the feedback. Also I prayed...what a concept...ask God for help.
So I prayed and I prayed and I prayed some more. I wanted to make sure I was making the right decision because I REALLY desire to do the next right thing. I just really wasn't sure what it was.
In the midst of praying I think about maybe taking my daughter or someone else so that maybe I won't drink. When I decide that Emily might have a good time I get a peace that I just don't understand. Every time it hits me I am amazed by the whole thing.
I tell Jeannie I think this is a good idea and I tell her I can go but I can't drink. I also ask her to not drink as well. She does agree to not drink and she kept her promise. I didn't drink and it was so fun to see Emily enjoy the concert. I had so much peace the whole time that I didn't even desire to drink. That was just for one night though. I am going to keep myself out of those situations from now on....at least until I get some recovery time...I don't want to run the risk of falling.
Mostly what I am taking out of this whole situation is that God will answer me and if I am listening He will give me some kind of answer. If I ask for His will to be done then get out of the way it will be done in my life. I am not saying this is easy or that I will do it even 50% of the time, but yesterday I did, and today I am doing my best. Today I don't want to drink to numb the pain and that is all I can really ask for.
I am really grateful, and thankful for the fellowship of other alcoholics. Without it I would be lost and drinking myself into the ground. I am also thankful for the fellowship of all the people who care about me. Since I have gotten honest, people I thought didn't like me or whatever have started to give me support. I have realized that it was me who pushed all those people out of my life with my dishonesty and isolating. I am so thankful for all the support I have gotten from everyone in my life.
So today I am thankful and I have peace. Being sober is priceless. I am doing whatever I have to do to keep it.