Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Never enough

It seems that it is never enough for me. I am not sure if it is my disease or just a serious character defect, but no matter what happens it is NEVER enough.

This morning I decided to listen to a CD that I hadn't listened to in quite awhile. I had gotten a comment from my friend Nicole on FB and it made me think of the time we went to see Third Day and Switchfoot together. Then a couple of days after the concert she gave me a few CD's that she had made and one was a Third Day CD. This CD has always lifted me up, and always makes me think of her. She has had strength for me when I didn't have it for myself.

So I was listening to the CD in the car to my meeting and to work. The song I heard on the way to the meeting was talking about how all the signs and wonders would never be enough to prove to some people that Jesus was real. WOW. You know what I just might be able to identify with the message of that song...maybe just a little bit.

Then the message in my meeting this morning was that it is never enough. We work and get to a point where we are doing well then we just start to coast. Then we get back to that self-centered attitude that shuts out all the sunlight of God, and gets us irritable and we start complaining about what we don't have instead of thanking Him for what we do.

As everyone is sharing about this I am listening and reflecting on me. I so do this, in fact just yesterday I did it in a big way, but even this morning I was doing it in small little ways. Yesterday, Edward asked me why I read God's word if I didn't really want to let go and let Him take control of my life. My first response was defensive. Well I do want Him to take control and give me good things in my life. BUT only when I want Him to and HOW I want Him to do it.

Yesterday as I said is a prime example of this. I asked God to help me change my situation. That I was turning everything over to Him and His care. I wanted His will to be done. Then I found out that I didn't need to take another certification test to be certified to teach in Oklahoma, this is a blessing. Then I had a conflict with a co-worker that I was able to work through on my own and let go of, I had all but forgot it by the end of the day. Those of you who know me, know that this in and of itself HAS to be GOD, because I hold on to absolutely everything. Then I had a very peaceful day. Nothing bad, nothing extremely good, just peaceful and good. Even when I got home at first I was very peaceful. I tried to screw it up, but it wasn't that bad really.

Instead of praising and thanking God for what He had done in my life that day, I was upset because I was peaceful and reasonably happy. All the things He had done for me, and it still wasn't enough for me to be thankful. Again, how selfish and self-centered am I really?

So today, I am turning it all over to God again. I don't want to take it back from Him, but I probably will. I am thankful I have people praying for me. And I am truly thankful for everything God is doing in my life. I could never do any of this by myself.

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