Change is not easy. Change is so uncomfortable. But change can be good. We can find peace in change, right?
So I made a decision and made a change. I took a step out in faith, quite possibly the first real step in faith I have ever taken. I am scared to death but I feel it was the best possible choice I could have made considering the situation.
I am not going into specifics here because that is not what this blog is about. It is about where I am and how I am doing in my recovery. And I am here sober today because of the grace of God. I felt yesterday I had but three choices I could make. Choice one...drink myself into a stupor. Choice two...end my life. Or choice three....leave. I chose number three. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. My children were crying and I was crying, but in the end I put my car in drive and started driving to someplace that might actually save my life. And saving my life at the moment is THE single most important thing I can do.
In getting honest with myself I found that if I stayed where I was I was going to drink. It was just a matter of time. I could feel it like a ticking time bomb in my head. Everyday was a struggle to not drink to change my feelings about my situation. So finally I had had enough of the struggle and gave into God's will. He has brought me to this place. And I mean the place I am in spiritually. He gave me the strength which enabled me to make the change I needed to make.
This is all God. In saying that it doesn't make it easier. It doesn't make it any less uncomfortable. It doesn't make me doubt myself any less. But when I start doing these things all I need to do to make the situation better is pray. Pray, pray, pray. I have a strange peace about it all. Again with the peace. I will never get tired of telling everyone about the peace I experience on a moment to moment basis.
So for today I am living in my change. I am walking through it and holding onto my ass and staying sober. I have a lot of people who are willing to love me and help me if I only give them a chance.