Today is a rough day for me. I am dealing with a realization that I had last night and I am finding it tough to admit. It's tough but I am admitting it and I am praying that God gives me peace about it.
This is definitely a ditch that I have found myself in. However, I know that God is going to help me get out of it. I know this because I have asked Him to and He is faithful and good. I keep asking Him to help me and when I do that peace that surpasses all understanding takes over and I am able to go on for a little longer in my day.
My realization is that I am an alcoholic. I didn't think that I was because I don't drink all the time and I have stopped drinking before completely, for awhile. But when things become unmanageable in my life I find myself drinking to numb the pain and sometimes I do it to "show someone else." Today I am going to a meeting. I have been going to Celebrate Recovery for awhile, but this has been for my codependency, anger, and control issues. I feel today that maybe alcoholism could be the root of all my issues.
So today I am admitting that I have a problem and that I am powerless over changing it. I am praying constantly because He says that I should rejoice always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances because this is God's will for me. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
So that's where I am today. I am rejoicing that I am able to see clearly that I do indeed have a problem. I am praying continually for God's help, guidance and peace in getting help to deal with my problem. And I am giving thanks that I have someone in my life who loves me enough to tell me the truth and help me to recognize the truth in me.