Thursday, May 19, 2011

Thursday Thoughts

So many thoughts race through my mind throughout the day. It gets pretty loud in there sometimes. I find that I am unable to calm myself enough to focus on what I need to focus on. I struggle at times even being quiet. I feel like I should fill every moment with noise. Quiet is just too uncomfortable for me.

The thoughts that race keep me sick. They keep me in this pattern of self-hate and self-destruction. Those thoughts feed my addiction to chaos and control. I am unable to control the urge to create chaos in order to control everyone around me all the time. When things are good I have to cause chaos I cannot stop myself no matter how hard I try.

For today I am trying to be quiet inside myself. To experience the peace that transcends all understanding that only God can produce in my life.

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