So many thoughts race through my mind throughout the day. It gets pretty loud in there sometimes. I find that I am unable to calm myself enough to focus on what I need to focus on. I struggle at times even being quiet. I feel like I should fill every moment with noise. Quiet is just too uncomfortable for me.
The thoughts that race keep me sick. They keep me in this pattern of self-hate and self-destruction. Those thoughts feed my addiction to chaos and control. I am unable to control the urge to create chaos in order to control everyone around me all the time. When things are good I have to cause chaos I cannot stop myself no matter how hard I try.
For today I am trying to be quiet inside myself. To experience the peace that transcends all understanding that only God can produce in my life.