I had a little time to myself this evening because the boys are at Karate and Emily is snoozing on the couch and I do not have the heart to wake her up, so I decided to take a little trip down memory lane. I read all my posts on this blog and I am blown away by my words. The biggest thing that struck me is that I have made a little progress in my journey toward some recovery today. I can look back on the posts from the last year and see some real progress.
Progress has been the hardest thing for me to see and accept. I strive for perfection. When I say perfection I mean complete and total perfection in every area of my life. I want to know that I am doing things right and that I can't be criticized for the things I am doing or have done. I want a gold star next to my name and for everyone to acknowledge ME. Since this is not at all realistic in any sort of universe, I am frequently disappointed in myself and the others. Because you see I have the same high standards for everyone around me that I have for myself, as I am sure I have mentioned here before. :)
By reading my earlier posts I realize that I have made some progress in some areas and taken some steps backwards in other areas. I started writing this blog to help me keep track of some progress. Then as things got better, busier, and different I stopped writing. I had lots of different feelings about writing on this blog for different reasons. But today I feel like I want to write a little. I want to remind myself that I am making progress and that things are a lot different today than they were even back in October. I am different. Thank God, I am different today. To me that is the most important thing I could realize today.